Where was it when she looked?
She spent a lifetime in meaningful searches, amongst friends and relationships reaching for it that could never be found.
Was it in the smiles that never touched the soul or in the words that remained unspoken? Was it in the friends that could’ve been or the special people that she never let in?The crippling anticipated pain that is the completing half of happiness always won.
The presence of the ‘what if’ that loomed everywhere, just a minute too late to be captured. The shadows that lurked in the night to arouse hope of capture only to disappear in the surreal light of day.
So near yet at an arm’s lenght. Scared to embrace the warmth, a strange fear that it might stay as an annoying friend.
The joy always masked to disguise, to fool fate into dispersing any pain that comes with being happy.
She finds it finally only to realize that she always had it. It was in little things, big things. In the people she met and lost. But above all, in her soul that watched the world from above.
The regret of being six feet under to finally enjoy what she realizes. Lost chances, opportunities and ‘what could’ve been’.